When It Happens
by HarvardBaby
Summary: Buffy’s life has been a series of rollercoasters ever since the day she killed her first vampire, but now, it is time for everything to come to a stop; for good. Buffy is dying and saying goodbye is the hardest part.


Buffy's life has been a series of rollercoasters ever since the day she killed her first vampire, but now, it is time for everything to come to a stop; for good. Buffy is dying and saying goodbye is the hardest part.

Pairings: Buffy/Angel, Willow/Oz, Xander/Cordelia.  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters/the places/the main themes of this story. All of those belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

**When It Happens**

The white hospital walls had always given Buffy an uncomfortable feeling. There had not been many times where she had been admitted to one, but there had been so many – too many – occasions where she had to visit. Time passed much too slowly in these buildings, as if being a patient made your whole life almost come to a stop; savouring the last moments of your life. Whereas being on the other end of it – where you were about to lose somebody, it all went by much too fast.

During the few months she had been here, she had had many visitors, which included daily visits from the Scoobies, and random visits from random people throughout her life; former classmates, the young slayers, distant relatives... She greeted each one with a forced smile, because the truth was, she knew she was seeing some of these people for the last time – ever – and there was no reason to smile about that.

When Buffy was diagnosed with Stage 4 leukemia, she had known before she was told that this was the end. Every day for ten long years, she had been faced with uncountable demons and forces of evil, all of which put her life on the edge, and most times, it teetered too close. It was ironic, that after everything, this was how she would go. After everything, she was dying of a completely natural illness that not even magic could cure.

"The leukemia is too far along," the doctor had said gently, though his face was emotionless. He must have been used to telling people this kind of thing. "I'm sorry, Ms. Summers, but there isn't much we can do."

Buffy had accepted it well, almost too well. She had nodded. "Okay," was all she had said.

The doctor had given her a sceptical look, removing his thickly framed glasses. "We would like you to stay here, though, so we can monitor you. You never know, maybe we can do something, medical miracles happen every day."

Buffy had nodded again. "Okay."

They say when you are dying your whole life flashes before your eyes, but that did not happen to her. She had just felt strangely calm. It took hours before thoughts even began to cloud her mind, and even then they were not about her well-being, or even fear; they only involved the pained faces of her friends when they found out for sure what was wrong with her, and the grief they would have to suffer – for the second time – because she would be gone.

Buffy stayed strong most of the time, avoiding most conversations about how much time she had left or how she would go, but deep down, she was terrified. The infamous vampire slayer had never felt fear all that much, she was a legend, and each battle she fought, she knew she would win the fight. But this was one battle Buffy could not fight; there was nothing she could do to help herself live this time, and the thought scared her to the point where she would ask the doctors for pain medication to numb away the fear.

Now, as Buffy sat up in her bed, pale skin almost transparent, it was easy to see that she was reaching the end of her life, that the disease that swam along in her blood stream was finally taking her life away.

She gazed outside the hospital window, boney arms crossed against her chest, taking in what would be one of her final nights on Earth. The sun danced against the horizon as it set and darkness swallowed up Sunnydale for the next twelve hours. She imagined, out of instinct, all the demons and vampires that were about to roam all over town, but she shook the feeling away and tried to concentrate on the beautiful painting-like scene outside her window. Pretty oranges and pinks contrasted the pale blue sky; it was a perfect sunset, and Buffy realized that she had never really appreciated a sunset before – most times sunset meant it was just about time to make her nightly patrols in the graveyard. But now, she smiled. It really was beautiful.

There was a sudden light knock on her door. Buffy turned her attention away from the window, confused; visiting hours had ended an hour ago, who could it be?

"Come in!" she called out groggily. In the past week, her voice had gone from audible to barely audible. Her voice sounded permanently weak, always dressed with uncontrollable cracks. She hated speaking lately, and kept it to a bare minimum; her new voice was just another reminder of how weak Buffy had become.

Her room's door creaked open to reveal the warm faces of her friends, and her already weak heart skipped a few beats – she was just so glad to see them. So, so glad...

"How did you get in here?" Buffy rasped; her eyes glittered with tears that had not yet fallen. "It's past visiting hours."

Willow reached her bed first. The redhead hugged her best friend, squeezing the young slayer as close to her as she could. She needed to absorb every moment with her from now on; the hour glass of Buffy's life was draining away faster and faster...

Willow broke away and shrugged. "Magic," she replied, her eyes sparkling with mischief. Then she laughed, settling at the foot of the bed.

Buffy moved her gaze from Willow to the rest of the Scoobies, gathered at the sides of her bed. Her heart was about to burst with emotion; how she loved all of these people.

Xander stood near the top of the bed, his arm casually draped over Cordelia's shoulder. They were both grinning at her, obviously happy to be here. Buffy was glad that Cordelia had moved back to Sunnydale and they had gotten back together. Though they were complete opposites, they were attracted to each other like magnets, and complimented the other's personalities. Looking at them, she knew they really held each other up; she just hoped they would help each other get through the hard times that would come after Buffy took her final breath...

Giles was beside them, glasses in hands. He gazed down at Buffy, a small smile on his thin lips. Giles had become her true father figure, she trusted him with everything. She knew her death would tear him apart at the seams, and she just prayed that he could keep everyone – and himself – together; he was always good at that.

Oz was between Giles and Willow, his face warm and comforting. Though Oz had never really opened up to anybody but Willow, Buffy considered him a huge part of her life. He had been there for so long, risking his life alongside her when it would have been so much easier to just step into the sidelines. She was glad he had also returned; his lack of intense emotion would help the grieving process. She mentally thanked Oz for everything and hoped he understood.

Faith at the end of her bed, her expression was emotionless. Buffy knew this was the face she wore when she was hiding something. Buffy knew by the she kept wrinkling her nose, almost reflexively, that she was fighting back tears. It pained her insides to see Faith weak, and she decided that this was what her friends must be feeling too. Slayers were always strong, they were chosen and given powers for that cause, and when things fell apart for them, everything and everyone around them usually did too.

Dawn was at her left side as soon as she had entered, and when Willow had extracted herself from Buffy, her sister had dove in, wrapping her arms around her neck, laying against the curve of her side. Already, her Dawny was stifling sobs; her salty drops of emotion already wetting the soft cotton hospital scrub that the slayer's wardrobe now consisted of. Each visit Dawn made to the hospital resulted in heavy tears, triggering the angst in anybody else within a ten foot range.

Buffy smoothed her hand against her sister's silky, brown hair. She looked around the circle her friends had formed around her bed; studying each of their eyes...They all shone with unwanted tears, obviously touched by Dawn's actions. None of them moved; they just gazed down at her...Cordelia reached up to swipe a straying tear from her cheek.

She somewhat wished, in the back of her head, that Dawn hadn't come; she was just going to make the blonde slayer break down, because the long road she had driven on with these people, was done.

Buffy suddenly began to panic. There was still one person missing.

Angel. She needed Angel here...

If only Angel were here. If only he were here to complete this reunion. If only he were here to tell her one last time how much he loved her.

"I don't want you to die," Dawn whimpered suddenly, raising her head so that her blood shot eyes met Buffy's. "I don't want to be alone..."

Buffy remained silent. What could she say? Nothing she could say could make Dawn's hurt go away.

"None of us do," Willow agreed, surprising Buffy.

"I-It should not be your time," Giles added.

Everyone murmured in agreement.

Her eyes glazed over once again with unwanted tears. "I don't want to leave yet," she admitted, her voice shaking.

Willow reached out and held Buffy's hand. "It's okay," the witch soothed. "I promise it'll be fine. You will feel better soon, Buffy. And when you're gone, we'll be okay too..." Her best friend choked out a sob. "We w-will." Willow was trying so hard to sound sure of herself, but she was not fooling anyone.

Buffy's eyebrows knitted in concern and sympathy. "Oh Will," she said softly.

The room was silent again. Minutes – or maybe it was seconds? – passed, and nobody said anything.

She felt her heartbeat quicken suddenly, its unsteady rhythm showing up on the heart monitor beside her bed. Everyone turned to watch as the angles of the monitor's line became sharp and inclined.

Buffy couldn't breathe.

"I'll get a nurse," Giles said, moving towards the door.

"No!" Buffy snapped, reaching out to her dear watcher. "Please...don't."

Giles gave her a quizzical look, but returned to his post beside her bed.

Dawn raised her head and glared at her sister. "You're crazy!" she shrieked, her high-pitched voice matching the warning beeps of the heart monitor. "We need to get you help!"

"Buffy, the doctor will help you!" Willow agreed.

"They'll give you more time," Cordelia put in softly. But nobody made a move towards the door. It was easy to tell that Buffy's end was here and no one wanted to leave her in her last few minutes.

Buffy, still breathing raggedly, pushed herself up with her elbows into a sitting position so she could get a better look at her loved ones. "This is it," she rasped. "This is how it ends." Her bottom lip began to quiver; she wasn't ready, but there was no more preparation time, she needed to say goodbye.

They had all gathered closer to her, Dawn was holding her right hand, Xander her left. She used all the energy she had left over to hold back her tears. Dawny was already crying, Willow and Cordelia too...She hated that they were crying because of her.

"I love you all," Buffy wheezed. "I always will. And I'm just so...thankful to have had all of you in my life. So... so... thankful." She paused, short of breath. "I just don't want to be...forgotten. Please don't forget...me..."

"Bee, we could never forget you." The voice was vaguely unfamiliar, only because it had not been heard amongst the others this whole visit.

Faith was still at the end of Buffy's bed, arms crossed against her chest. Her eyes were sparkling with escaped tears. "Don't ever think we could forget you!" she practically spat, her tone furious. She stared at the ground, unable to meet anyone's curious gazes. "Bee, I've known you for six years now – six years! Do you really think after all you've done, after all you've put us through, after all we did for you, after all the people you have touched..." Faith looked up at Buffy and began to sob. "How could we ever forget you?! Now look what you've done, I look like a blubbering idiot..."

Buffy couldn't help but stare at the other Slayer. Never had she shown this much emotion. She sucked in more air, though the oxygen did not comfort his faltering lungs. "Faith," she whispered. "It's all you now."

"What?" she replied. Her voice was barely audible.

"You're the top Slayer now," Buffy told her. "It's you, Faith. You're getting your wish."

Faith shook her head. "I don't want it," she whimpered. "Not if you have to go, Bee. Not like this."

Buffy gave her a weak smile. "It's your turn now." She motioned for her friend to come closer, and when she did, the dying slayer whispered in Faith ear, "Take care of them."

Faith agreed with a curt nod. "'Bye, Buff. I'll see you on the other side." The two slayers grasped hands, and held them there for a few moments, before Faith left the room.

One by one, they began their goodbyes.

First after Faith was Oz. He hugged Buffy gently, squeezing her against his strong body. "Thank you for everything," he told her.

Next was Cordy. She was still crying, her mouth blubbering out hundreds of inaudible apologies. She also hugged Buffy, but longer, and surprisingly stronger than Oz. Her heavy sobs shook her entire body and her fat tears dripped onto Buffy's shoulder. The slayer held her finger to Cordelia's lips. "It's okay," the blonde told her. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

Cordelia pulled back, her amber eyes brimming with sorrow. "But I do," she said. "I was always so mean..."

"None of that matters now."

Cordelia's smiled gratefully and hugged Buffy again. "I'll miss you," she admitted. "And all those times I made fun of your outfits...I was really just jealous." She winked, and her heels clicked after Faith and Oz.

Buffy let out a weak laugh. She could feel her insides slowly faltering, her breaths becoming shorter and each movement becoming five times more difficult.

Giles was next. He did not hug the blonde slayer at first, just stared down at her lovingly. "You are an amazing woman," he told her. "You changed lives, hell Buffy, you changed the world. And I am honoured to have known you."

Buffy grinned. "You... knew me better than most people did," she rasped. "You were...like my father."

Giles blushed softly and smiled. He bent down and finally hugged Buffy.

"Take care out there," she advised him. He agreed, gently kissed her head, and then left too.

Silence hugged the room again. Buffy could feel Dawn's hard stare burning onto her face. She reached out towards her little sister, but the brunette's glare was ice cold, unforgiving.  
"Dawny..." Buffy began to say, but Dawn turned away.

"I can't be here when... when it happens," she choked out. She brought her gaze back to Buffy; her dark eyes brimming with heart-wrenching angst. "Buffy, I love you, but I can't watch you go." She took her dying sister's fragile hand in her's. "I hope you understand if I... if I go now."

Buffy nodded, of course she understood. She touched her sister's cheek, and then pulled her in for a final hug. "You are so brave," the slayer told her sister. "So brave." She kissed her sister's head, and they stayed there for several moments, almost as if their time would never end. But Dawn left the room soon after, wiping her eyes on her sweater sleeve. _Goodbye, little sis_, Buffy thought.

Then, there were only three of them, just as it had been from the beginning. Buffy was glad that she would go surrounded by Willow and Xander. It was how it should be. These two people had experienced each up and down of her rollercoaster life, and they understood everything about her, each decision she was making here. They would let her go when her life faded away.

She felt her body fall deeper and deeper into nothingness. Each muscle was gaining a weird tingling sensation, and Buffy felt numb. Her mind was drifting too; her memories and thoughts were dissolving, confusion reigned over everything else.

Xander's and Willow's faces were becoming blurry at the edges as things fell apart. But her best friends didn't move from her side as her breathing became shallow and when her eyes drooping lazily, they just held her hands, offering comfort, which was what she needed most of all.

Through her cloudy state, only one name, one word, one person came to mind. "Angel," she grunted suddenly. "Where... is Angel?"

She vaguely noticed Willow and Xander exchanging looks of panic.

"He's not here, Buff," Xander replied. His voice was strained and exhausted.

"We're sorry, Buffy," Willow whispered as tears rolled down her flushed cheeks again.

Buffy's mind was not clear enough for the full impact of their words. She was practically dead, and Angel wasn't coming...

"I love you guys," Buffy managed. "So much..."

Willow hiccupped and let out a painful sob. "Oh, Buffy, we love you too! So much!"

Xander was crying too, Buffy realized that she did not like that. "Shhh," she soothed. "No crying over me." She forced a smile onto her thin lips. "It's time to go. Don't chase after me this time, I'll be okay. You'll be okay too," She coughed painfully, "in time. I promise." Buffy closed her green eyes for the last time. She wasn't hurting anymore, she felt as if she had run five consecutive marathons and was exhausted. She just felt as if she were going to sleep. "I love you."

Her best friends collapsed onto her, sobbing heaps of skin, clothing and hair. Buffy's heart monitor sped up, and then silenced into a line forever. Buffy's soul had left her body along with all her memories and opinions. The girl who lay alongside her friends in the hospital bed was no longer the beloved slayer; she was just a body.

Willow and Xander did not stay long; they left the room only minutes after to tell the others. They were all sitting outside Buffy's room, as if keeping guard of her, protecting her, just as she had done for them all these years. Willow and Xander joined the others; they didn't need to use words for them to know that Buffy was gone.

The Scoobies remained seated outside of Buffy's room for what seemed like days, but was really only minutes. Willow's spell had not yet worn off, and no doctor or nurse even approached the room. But just as night-time settled over Sunnydale, somebody else did.

Angel's footsteps were silent as he trudged up to the others. He looked down on them, waiting for an update, but none of the Scoobies had the heart to tell Angel the truth.

He caught on fast though. "Oh, God," he choked. "Oh, God. I'm too late, aren't I?"

Faith stood, swift and smooth, placing a comforting hand on Angel's broad shoulder. "I'm sorry, big guy," she breathed. "She went peacefully though. She was happy."

But the vampire didn't want to hear any of it. Anguish washed over him as if he had been dunked into the ocean; and the salty streaks of liquid on his cheeks like the ocean's waters streaming from his dark eyes. He pushed passed the others into Buffy's room. He needed to see her one last time before they took her away from him.

His breath caught in his throat as he stifled a sob when he saw her laying there. Though she looked peaceful, her face smooth and gentle, just like she was asleep, Angel could not bear to see her with the knowledge of her death.

He was too late.

Angel made his way to her bed, still sobbing. He leaned over the railing of where she rested; his face was so close to her's. He tucked a piece of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Buffy, forgive me," he repeated over and over again. "Forgive me, forgive me... I love you so much..."

Angel stayed that way for a long time. He would not have moved had Faith not had come to get him. "We gotta go, Angel," she murmured. "Sun's coming up."

"I don't care," he replied, his voice shaking with a mix of anger and sorrow. "I want to die."

"But you don't," she countered. "Angel, you can't die. Would Buffy have wanted that? You know she wouldn't have. We all have to be strong for her. We all have to keep living, because she didn't get to."

Angel dragged his gaze from Buffy to Faith. He wished he could be as strong as she was being. It took so much to stay that solid in a situation like this one. He knew if he were to be strong, he would have to fight so hard, harder than he had ever fought before. But he would do it.

For her.


End file.
